Blazing fire is hard to extinguish chapter 15
His Past
Because Lin Chi needed to prepare for the runway show in half a month and couldn’t eat much, they didn’t go to the restaurant but straight to the hotel.
Li Tingyan ordered room service and had dinner sent directly to the room.
Lin Chi only ate a bit of salad and ham, then forced himself to watch as Li Tingyan leisurely dined.
But in the end, he couldn’t stand it anymore. He sat next to Li Tingyan, disregarding everything, and successfully lured him to bed.
Afterwards, Lin Chi was sweaty all over but didn’t want to move.
He opened his phone and played music, lying on the bed, softly humming along.
But after a while, his drama club classmates sent him photos of their gathering and the recording of the stage performance.
He opened them one by one, seeing his own oily face and powdered hair on stage. He exclaimed in surprise but watched with relish.
Li Tingyan sat beside him and naturally saw it too.
He asked him, “Do you really like acting in dramas?”
“Hmm?”
At first, Lin Chi didn’t hear clearly, but when he realized, he nodded and shook his head again.
“I don’t particularly like dramas, to be precise. I just love the stage.”
“I love how I shine on stage, with everyone’s attention focused on me. Under the spotlight, I can’t see anyone’s face clearly, but I love all the beautiful things, clothes, jewels, adorning me. Whether it’s acting in dramas, modeling on the runway, shooting commercials, appearing in magazines, or even playing bit roles, it’s all good. When I perform, it feels like I’m transported to another world where I can do anything.”
He squinted slightly, laughing as he spoke, then turned to Li Tingyan, “Sounds very vain, doesn’t it?”
Li Tingyan shook his head.
“Not at all.”
But as he looked at Lin Chi, he asked, “Since you love the stage so much, don’t you feel limited by your current development?”
He spoke subtly.
But after being together with Lin Chi for so long, he somewhat understood Lin Chi’s situation.
Lin Chi’s small company was basically a chaotic third-rate company, with poor management. The only relatively responsible person was Lin Chi’s agent, Huo Yuning.
But Huo Yuning herself didn’t have much background or connections. She struggled in the fashion industry to gather some resources. While she had other models in hand, despite being close to Lin Chi, she couldn’t wholeheartedly manage him alone.
So in Li Tingyan’s eyes, Lin Chi was completely underutilized.
Clearly possessing such talent.
Clearly having a face that could captivate others in a split second under the camera.
But he only achieved mediocre success, and many resources that should have belonged to him inexplicably ended up in the hands of those less talented.
“You’re wasting your potential like this,” Li Tingyan said.
His words were indirect, but Lin Chi understood him perfectly.
He turned over, looking up at Li Tingyan from below, smiling. “Do you think I’m languishing in mediocrity?”
Li Tingyan wasn’t sure whether to nod or shake his head.
In fact, that was somewhat true.
But the description didn’t sit well with him, and he didn’t think “mediocre” described Lin Chi at all.
Lin Chi chuckled.
He didn’t really expect an answer from Li Tingyan.
“But I think I’m doing pretty well.”
He rested his head on his arm, sounding relaxed. “I’m not boasting that I’m doing great now. I’m just saying that compared to my past, I’m much better off.”
“Thinking about my life before eighteen, and now, I’m actually quite satisfied.”
“Anyway, I don’t have any lofty ambitions. I just want to enjoy life as it comes, to be happy. If you must say, my agent is the one full of ambition pushing me forward, not me.”
Li Tingyan had never heard Lin Chi mention his family, relatives, or his own past.
This was the first time he’d heard anything like this.
He looked at Lin Chi, “Did you have a hard time before?”
He frowned slightly, a little confused.
From his observations since he’d known Lin Chi, although Lin Chi wasn’t great at managing finances, there was no problem with his life. His salary wasn’t low, even though he often had to repay credit cards, it was enough to support his consumption of those beautiful yet impractical luxury goods.
He thought that Lin Chi should have come from at least a well-loved middle-class family to have such a carefree and sunny personality, indifferent to everything.
Lin Chi looked at the ceiling, perhaps because of today’s stage in the school auditorium, he bowed to the audience on stage, and the whole audience was thunderous, giving him a lot of emotions.
He was someone who didn’t often recall the past, and at this moment, he didn’t feel like talking.
And lying beside him, it happened to be someone who had little to do with his social circle.
“Do you want to see my old photos?”
Lin Chi tilted his head and asked Li Tingyan, with a mischievous look in his eyes.
When Li Tingyan nodded, he immediately took out his phone.
“Wait for me to find them.”
He searched through the album.
“Ah, found it,” he put the phone under Li Tingyan’s eyelids, “Look, this is me at seventeen.”
When he saw the photo on the phone, Li Tingyan wrinkled his brows in disbelief, and for the first time, there was such an obvious suspicion in his eyes, looking at Lin Chi’s face.
The boy in the photo looked very ordinary, even too silent and inconspicuous, sitting on the steps of the playground in an empty school uniform. His hair was messy because he hadn’t taken care of it properly, his bangs were too long, almost covering his eyes and eyebrows.
It could be seen that he was tall, but too thin, like a piece of paper that could float away lightly at any time.
“Is this you?”
Li Tingyan still found it hard to believe.
The boy in the photo looked very ordinary, even too quiet and could be easily overlooked among a group of classmates..
He carefully identified that from the facial contours, lips, and nose, he saw a bit of Lin Chi’s shadow.
“It’s really me. It’s just that I hadn’t grown up then, I was too thin, and didn’t know how to take care of myself.”
Lin Chi raised an eyebrow, oddly proud. He said to Li Tingyan, “Do you know how difficult it was for me to change from that look in the photo to what I am now?”
Li Tingyan didn’t say anything.
He continued to look at the photo, noticing a bruise-like color on Lin Chi’s wrist that didn’t look quite normal.
He was considering whether he should ask when he heard Lin Chi’s relaxed voice.
“Back when I was a child, my family environment was really poor, almost like something you’d see on a charity program. My so-called father was a gambler. He was okay when I was in elementary school, but when I entered junior high, his gambling addiction worsened. He even started using drugs. Anything of value in our house, he sold off. In the end, all that was left were four walls and some simple bedding.”
“My mom, she was hardworking but conservative. Even though our life was so miserable, she refused to divorce my dad. She struggled and managed to raise me, stumbling along the way. She often had to repay my father’s gambling debts. So, my wish back then was simply to grow up quickly and take my mom away.”
As Lin Chi talked about his mother, the smile faded from his lips for a moment. But quickly, he regained his carefree demeanor and asked Li Tingyan, “Now you understand why I’m so satisfied with my life now, right? Compared to my past, it’s like night and day.”
He took the phone from Li Tingyan’s hand and sat up from the bed.
He picked up a bottle of lemon water from the bedside and took a sip, then pulled out a cigarette from the pack.
He asked Li Tingyan, “Mind if I smoke now?”
Li Tingyan shook his head.
With a snap, Lin Chi lit the lighter. The orange spark crackled in front of him, reflecting in his calm eyes.
He said, “You might wonder if I’ve ever dreamed of making it big, appearing on the big screens. Of course, even someone as ordinary as me would crave that. I’d love to have all the flowers and applause showered upon me. But it’s too difficult, sometimes requiring sacrifices that I’m not willing to make anymore after over a decade of hardship. So now, I just aim to make myself happy within my capabilities. I want to do the work I love, take photos I like, make friends I cherish, and of course, sleep with whom I want.”
As he spoke, he glanced at Li Tingyan with a smile.
With his slender fingers holding the cigarette, he continued calmly, “So, don’t pity me. What I have now is already the best choice for me.”
He walked out of that small county town, handled his own leave of absence from school, and came to work in the bustling city at eighteen. Standing on the street that moment, he never imagined he would reach where he was today.
Li Tingyan remained silent for a long time, looking at Lin Chi. Lin Chi lazily leaned against the head of the bed, smoking, his upper body bare, lips red, eyes bright, as beautiful as if stars had fallen into them.
He sat there nonchalantly, resembling a favored artwork, every line exuding perfection, a stark contrast to the seventeen-year-old in the photograph.
Li Tingyan thought about how much effort Lin Chi must have put in to reach where he is today.
Seeing Li Tingyan’s expression, Lin Chi chuckled. He lifted his knee and lightly nudged Li Tingyan, asking lightly, “What’s wrong? Feeling sorry for me?”
Li Tingyan shook his head.
“No.”
He certainly wasn’t foolish or conceited enough to pity Lin Chi, who had worked hard to get to where he was today. How could he need pity?
He was just… somewhat amazed.
He had always assumed that the person beside him had grown up in a warm family.
But he was completely wrong.
Li Tingyan reached out and took a cigarette from Lin Chi’s pack, but didn’t use the lighter. He placed it between his lips and lowered his head slightly.
Their cigarette tips touched, and the orange flame ignited Li Tingyan’s cigarette as well.
The room fell quiet.
Li Tingyan and Lin Chi stared at each other, gazing at the face that resembled a piece of art, those eyes like sapphires set in a crown, shining brightly.
He asked Lin Chi, “So, did you eventually take your mother away?”
He vaguely knew the answer but couldn’t be sure.
It was conflicting.
As a decent gentleman, he shouldn’t pry into someone else’s privacy.
But he couldn’t help but want to know more about Lin Chi’s past.
The person sitting beside him, the one who chatted with him at the bar, ate doughnuts with him in bed, and comforted him at Xu Mu’s wedding.
He had to admit, he was curious about Lin Chi, even had the urge to pry.
Lin Chi blinked his eyes.
He took a drag from his cigarette, his eyelashes drooping slightly, his lips still curved in a smile that seemed unperturbed by anything.
But there was no smile in his eyes, and his ring and pinky fingers curled slightly as if scorched.
“No,” he murmured softly. “When I was seventeen, she passed away, worn out from years of hard work.”
…
Much later, Li Tingyan remembered the expression on Lin Chi’s face when he said those words.
It was the first time he saw loneliness and weariness on Lin Chi.
Lin Chi sat on the edge of the bed, his voice light as he spoke, his face seemingly nonchalant, but for a moment, he seemed to revert to that helpless seventeen-year-old boy.
But it was only a momentary glimpse. Soon, Lin Chi regained his composure.
As if the hesitation from moments ago never existed, he raised the cigarette to his lips again and smiled at Li Tingyan. “So, surprised? Didn’t expect I used to have such a tough time, did you?”
Li Tingyan simply shook his head.
He reached out and touched Lin Chi’s forehead, saying, “No, I just feel that when I was eighteen or nineteen, I was nowhere near as strong as you.”
At that time, he was still in a period of confusion, with a very poor relationship with his family but unable to rebel. He spent a summer abroad, diving, rock climbing, hiking in the mountains, betting with people, doing everything to escape from himself. Many nights, he even relied on alcohol to fall asleep.
Compared to Lin Chi, he really was much worse off.
Lin Chi exhaled a puff of smoke, not taking Li Tingyan’s words seriously.
People like him and Li Tingyan, both prodigies, were never on the same track, so what was there to compare?
But maybe because graduation was approaching, he felt a bit sentimental. When he stood on the stage today amidst the applause, for a second, he thought of his past self. The dull, helpless, lost self seemed to be in the audience. He would never have thought that his future self would be standing on the stage.
So he rarely opened up to someone like this on such a late night.
But once the conversation was over, it was over.
He was always carefree, without so many fragile thoughts.
He extinguished the cigarette in the ashtray and said to Li Tingyan, “I’m going to take a shower.”
But as he was changing into fresh clothes, with his back turned to Li Tingyan, he said, “Forget what I just said. I just felt like talking to someone tonight. Don’t take it to heart. Just forget about it.”
Li Tingyan raised an eyebrow, sensing the distance in Lin Chi’s words.
The brief openness a moment ago was genuine, but now Lin Chi was drawing a clear boundary.
He looked at the cigarette still burning in his hand and said softly, “Okay.”
But that night, Li Tingyan couldn’t fall asleep for a long time. In the moonlight, Lin Chi slept like a baby, his eyelashes distinct, casting a small shadow on his face.
He reached out and gently touched Lin Chi’s lips.
He thought, the seventeen-year-old Lin Chi, what resembled him most now seemed to be those lips, childish, plump, sexy, easily turning red as if about to bleed when kissed.