Proactively Attracted chapter 36

Delusions and Dreams

A spark, from who knows where, ignited and quickly spread to every corner of his body.

While the other students in the dorm were still diligently studying, Qin Mudong climbed down from his bed and turned on the desk lamp.

A boy nearby asked casually, “Weren’t you already asleep? Why are you up again?”

Qin Mudong didn’t answer. He pulled out his textbook from the desk and took out a brand-new notebook.

Page by page, he began to organize the key points from the textbook.

His fingers and eyes moved swiftly. Line after line filled the notebook, the handwriting fluid and bold, strokes clear and strong.

Physics always gave him a sense of clarity and calm, allowing him to concentrate and think. But tonight, no matter how hard he tried to focus, his mind was full of that boy who always smiled with his eyes—his bright, youthful voice echoing in his ears.

He thought of how soft his voice was when he called him “Mudong Ge.”
He thought of how they fed stray cats together.
He thought of how his eyes fluttered like butterfly wings as he listened intently in class.
He thought of that not-so-strong figure that shone with a protective glow when standing up for him.

Too many thoughts surged up at once, crowding his mind and making it impossible to think clearly.

Could Lu Xingjia… possibly like him, even just a little?

Would someone like that like a person like him—moody, cold, dull, and overly intense?

The moon hung in the sparse starry sky, constellations slowly shifted.

Before he knew it, it was past midnight. One by one, the students in the dorm couldn’t hold out any longer and began getting ready for bed.

The boy with glasses who slept near the door returned from washing up and bumped into the guy from the neighboring bunk who was also heading to bed.

“Not studying anymore?” the guy with glasses teased, nudging him playfully.

“I can’t, I’m exhausted,” the other replied, shaking his head and waving a hand.

“You should take a page out of his book!” The glasses guy nodded toward Qin Mudong.

The bunkmate gave him a glance. “You kidding? Do you know who that is? That’s Qin Mudong from No. 1 High—the one who ranked first in the preliminaries!”

“Damn… no wonder.” The guy with glasses looked at Qin Mudong with newfound admiration and quickly climbed into bed.

Qin Mudong rarely spoke to anyone in the dorm, so the boy hadn’t realized that the quiet one was actually the rumored genius who almost aced the prelims.

Settling into bed, the boy muttered softly, “This is what a real study god looks like. So intense!”

Qin Mudong paid no attention to any of their comments. As if in his own world, he continued summarizing key points—for Lu Xingjia.

Familiar physics formulas circled through his mind, flowing effortlessly from his pen.

Only through this could he suppress the boiling emotions inside him that threatened to overflow at any moment.

Somewhere along the way, the sky began to lighten with the first hints of dawn. Sunlight filtered through the curtains. Qin Mudong wrote the final word, then stood to stretch his stiff limbs after a sleepless night.

The night had passed—and with it, those reckless fantasies had to be sealed away once more.

Those beautiful, romantic thoughts were far too dangerous. In real life, he didn’t dare touch them at all.

……

After returning to his dorm the night before, Lu Xingjia had also stayed up a bit late. In the morning, he stumbled sleepily into class, still yawning with tears in his eyes.

He’d had strange dreams all night.

At first, the setting was still that dim, narrow washroom. But before long, everything began spinning. He and Qin Mudong were hiding behind a thin wooden panel. Qin Mudong held him tightly, their noses brushing, and those dark, luminous eyes stared at him with a smile—then leaned in for a kiss…

He snapped out of it and quickly glanced at Qin Mudong sitting at his desk.

Lu Xingjia shook his head hard, trying to clear away those messy images.

“Good morning,” he greeted with a smile as he walked past, backpack slung over his shoulder.

“Wait a second,” Qin Mudong stood up and called out, handing him a notebook from the desk. “This is for you.”

“What’s this…?”

Lu Xingjia flipped it open and looked through a few pages—only to realize it was a neatly organized summary of key knowledge points by Qin Mudong.

Unlike reference books that copied blocks of text, Qin Mudong had extracted only the core concepts, each paired with sample questions from the recent mock exams.

All the ones Lu Xingjia had gotten wrong—and hadn’t fully understood.

Qin Mudong’s handwriting was beautiful. The pages were full, and he’d even drawn various diagrams alongside the notes.

Lu Xingjia froze: “When did you put this together?”

He looked up at Qin Mudong in a daze and finally noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

His lips parted: “Did you… stay up last night to do this for me?”

Qin Mudong looked away and gave a soft “Mm.”

“Thank you.” Lu Xingjia clutched the notebook to his chest, his eyes welling up with emotion. Something sparkled in his amber eyes. “You’re honestly too kind…”

It was clear from the dark circles that compiling something this detailed hadn’t been easy—he must not have slept at all.

Qin Mudong’s lowered hand clenched and loosened again, the veins on his arm clearly visible.

In the end, he said nothing and just sat back down in his seat.

Lu Xingjia took a deep breath, looked into his eyes again, and repeated “You’re really so nice” several times before hugging the notebook like a treasure and hopping back to his seat.

Qin Mudong’s gaze followed him the whole way. He saw him carefully open the notebook and caught the unguarded smile at the corner of his lips.

The bright sunlight fell on him, making him look dazzling.

Qin Mudong withdrew his gaze and slowly closed his eyes.

He wasn’t a good person—he was a selfish liar.

He had stayed up all night organizing those notes, but his original intention wasn’t to help Lu Xingjia. It was simply that he allowed himself to immerse in physics, hoping to calm down.

He didn’t want to lie, but when faced with those bright eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth.

He just wanted Lu Xingjia to think better of him—just a little more, and then a little more.

He was a selfish and cowardly liar.

……

Time passed quickly, and before long, another week had gone by.

Amid anxiety, frustration, nervousness, and anticipation, the day before the second round of the competition finally arrived.

The training camp gave the students a half-day break. Many people dropped their pens and ran off to play ball on the worn-out playground, eat outside the school gates, or sneak into shady internet cafes.

In these past ten or so days, everyone had been buried in their studies—some still didn’t even know each other’s full names.

But since they were all about the same age and shared the same dream, the peacefulness of the day before the competition felt especially harmonious.

There were only a few people left in the classroom. The seat next to Qin Mudong was empty.

Lu Xingjia didn’t want to go out. Smiling happily, he hugged his book and notebook and walked over to Qin Mudong’s side.

“Can I sit here?”

Though phrased as a question, his tone lacked any sense of asking for permission—like he already knew Qin Mudong wouldn’t say no. He even directly pulled out the chair and sat down.

And sure enough, Qin Mudong didn’t say anything. He simply moved over slightly to give him room.

The familiar seat and angle put Lu Xingjia in a good mood. He smiled with squinting eyes as he flipped through the notebook.

He had always felt a vague confusion before. Even when he managed to solve problems, something felt off. But Qin Mudong’s notes helped him sort out the entire logic clearly. Now, solving problems was twice as effective, and he had a feeling of sudden enlightenment.

With Qin Mudong’s guidance, all his accumulated “drops” of understanding seemed to converge into a vast ocean over just a few days.

In just one week, Lu Xingjia’s test scores improved every day, and even the training camp teachers praised him more than once.

Squinting with joy, Lu Xingjia sighed—this was the power of a study god.

He knew that without Qin Mudong’s help, he could never have come this far step by step.

Reviewing the day before an exam isn’t usually that effective. Sitting next to the person he liked, Lu Xingjia rested his chin on his hand and soon drifted off in thought.

Qin Mudong was still diligently reading, so Lu Xingjia began quietly observing him.

A full forehead, sharp brows, deep eye sockets, a tall nose bridge, thin lips…

Lu Xingjia’s gaze traced over Qin Mudong’s facial features bit by bit. When his eyes finally settled on those pale lips, Qin Mudong spoke softly: “What are you looking at?”

“You, of course!”

Lu Xingjia answered without even thinking.

The moment the words left his mouth, the air fell silent.

Cough cough—

Lu Xingjia blushed furiously and hurriedly changed the subject. “The exam’s tomorrow. Are you nervous?”

As soon as the words came out, he realized how dumb his question was.

Why did he ask Qin Mudong that?

After so many exams together, he knew Qin Mudong’s level inside and out. That guy could ace the provincial exam with his eyes closed.

If even Qin Mudong got nervous, then the rest of them might as well not show up—they’d collectively self-destruct on the spot.

Lu Xingjia chuckled awkwardly, unsure if he should keep talking, when he suddenly heard Qin Mudong give a quiet “Mm.”

“Huh?” Lu Xingjia blinked, not quite processing what he heard.

Qin Mudong replied calmly, “I get nervous too.”

Lu Xingjia was stunned. “Really?”

“Mm,” Qin Mudong nodded slightly, then asked casually, “What about you?”

“I guess I do.” Lu Xingjia sighed. “I’ve worked so hard—I want some results. And besides, I haven’t gotten over that grudge yet!”

Resting his chin on his hand, he still didn’t quite believe Qin Mudong. Curious, he asked, “You really get nervous too? What do you even get nervous about? Afraid of not doing well? No way—you’re always so calm!”

Lu Xingjia chattered on beside him. Qin Mudong casually brushed him off with a few words, then pointed his pen at Lu Xingjia’s notebook.

“Study.”

“Okay, okay, I’m studying,” Left with nothing to say, Lu Xingjia sighed and made a cheering gesture at him. “Fighting! Let’s do our best!”

Qin Mudong lowered his eyes, his gaze fixed on a section of the textbook, though his eyes were unfocused.

It was only when he heard Lu Xingjia’s question that he truly realized how he felt.

He studied physics because he genuinely enjoyed immersing himself in vast knowledge.

But this time, for the first time, he had a clear goal in mind. He clearly wanted to achieve something—
This was because of that half-playful, half-serious bet Lu Xingjia had made.

When you don’t care, you’re without desires or demands. But once you develop feelings and have a purpose, no matter how certain something seems, you’ll still get nervous—you’ll doubt yourself, feel uncertain.

Just like… he couldn’t be sure about Lu Xingjia’s feelings toward him.

Was it friendship? Brotherhood? Or perhaps…

Qin Mudong couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt such emotional fluctuation.

It felt like a long time ago—or maybe it had just been a fleeting moment.

Ever since he met Lu Xingjia, all those dark and cold memories had become blurred.

It was like sunlight evaporating the puddles on the ground—what remained was only dazzling brightness and searing warmth.

Author’s note:

No late-night snack again today 🙁