Moonlight Left Behind chapter 17
“What can we do if we have objections? We open the door to do business, and we can’t stop him from coming in,” Xiao Yao said, clearly annoyed, rolling her eyes repeatedly. “Besides, this guy has super thick skin. The boss has never given him a good face, yet he calls him ‘Qin Ge’ so affectionately, like a mutt. If he gets chased away this time, he’ll be back next time.”
The young man had already started another song over there, but it was still terrible, making it painful to listen to. It was commendable that Boss Qin could face the scene with such calmness, not even frowning.
“Actually, he didn’t live on the island before. He suddenly came back last year and happened to bump into the boss while jogging in the morning. Well, it was love at first sight, and that’s how it went. Now, I think everyone on the island knows that the son of the flower shop owner, Old Lin, has taken a liking to Boss Qin from ‘Fubai.’ It’s just too annoying!”
A man so openly pursuing another man was not a good thing on the island, and Xiao Yao had endured a lot of unpleasant comments. So, she was quite angry about it, stomping her foot as she spoke, wanting nothing more than to bite that annoying guy to death.
Lin Qinzhou was also feeling sour inside, knowing that Qin Yue wasn’t responding to the other person, but still feeling uneasy, as if his treasure was being coveted by someone else.
“Qin Ge, what do you think of my guitar playing?”
Qin Yue propped his chin on his hand, a few strands of hair falling over his forehead, obscuring half of his face. The young man named Lin Cong swallowed hard and raised his hand as if to touch Qin Yue’s face. Lin Qinzhou quickly dashed over, inserting himself between the two, firmly shielding Qin Yue behind him.
Lin Cong was startled, then glared at Lin Qinzhou with annoyance, “Who are you? Do you want to get beaten up?”
“I…” As he rushed over, Lin Qinzhou’s body moved faster than his brain, but the question thrown by the other party caught him off guard. Who was he, anyway? What right did he have to meddle? Maybe Qin Yue didn’t even care or even liked it?
“Lin Cong,” at that moment, the always indifferent Qin Yue spoke up, “You should leave; don’t come back again.”
This was the first time Qin Yue had so clearly rejected him, and Lin Cong was stunned. “Why, Qin Ge? Am I not good at playing? But I can still learn. Qin Ge, please give me another chance…”
Unfortunately, Qin Yue was blocked behind Lin Qinzhou, and Lin Cong couldn’t even see his expression. He ruffled his hair in frustration, and upon meeting the gaze of the unfamiliar man in front of him, he suddenly realized, “I get it, is it because of this person?!”
Lin Qinzhou, who inexplicably found himself bearing the brunt, was a bit dazed. What was even more bewildering was that Qin Yue actually remained silent, as if… he had tacitly accepted it?
What was going on? Was he being used as a shield to ward off an annoying pursuer? Lin Qinzhou couldn’t help but turn his face slightly, gazing over in confusion, only to collide with the smiling eyes of the person behind him.
“It really is because of him?! But Qin Ge, when you rejected me back then, didn’t you say you didn’t like men?!”
“Yes, I don’t like men, but I never said I couldn’t like men,” Qin Yue replied, his gaze still fixed on Lin Qinzhou’s face, making Lin Qinzhou feel an illusion, as if that last statement was actually directed at him.
“Qin Ge!” Lin Cong was so angry he almost smashed his guitar.
Yet Qin Yue remained calm, “Xiao Yao, what are you standing there for? Clean up those flowers on the ground, and give them back to Xiao Lin.”
Lin Cong, being young and impulsive, saw Qin Yue’s attitude and threw down a “no need,” running off in anger. Xiao Yao, left behind, started to curse while gathering the scattered flowers.
Lin Qinzhou turned around and squatted beside the wheelchair. “Xiao Lin?”
“Yes, his father is Old Lin, and he is Xiao Lin.”
“What about me?”
Qin Yue fell silent again, and after a while, he smiled: “I was embarrassed earlier; I hope I didn’t make you laugh.” Once again, when he didn’t want to answer, he awkwardly changed the subject.
But why? Lin Qinzhou wondered. He felt like he was Qin Yue’s dog. When he thought the other person saw him as an ordinary tenant, that person would wave at him, tossing him a meat bone, but when he thought he was special, that person began to distance himself and avoid him.
This feeling was too uncomfortable, leaving him lost and unsettled. Plus, Lin Qinzhou’s memory was already fragmented, making him feel as if a hole had opened in his heart, letting the wind rush in.
“Qin Yue, you might think I’m crazy, but I really have a problem.” Lin Qinzhou pushed the wheelchair to the big banyan tree nearby and sat down in the wicker chair, facing Qin Yue.
Qin Yue originally had no expression, but due to Lin Qinzhou’s strange statement, his lips were tightly pressed together, and his mood seemed to be quite poor.
“I have depression; it’s been many years…”
Lin Qinzhou couldn’t quite explain why, but he really wanted to confess everything now. This feeling of being near yet far, floating and unstable, was too difficult for him.
It was like returning to that summer many years ago, when he had just arrived abroad, and his depression had already reached a severe stage. He couldn’t eat or sleep, and he felt like he was suspended in mid-air by a thin thread, always waiting for that thread to snap.
He even tried many methods of self-harm, such as cutting himself with a fruit knife, stabbing with scissors, banging his head against the wall when there was nothing else, or scratching himself with his nails… In short, whenever he wanted to self-torture, there were always many ways to do it.
For a long time, he often had injuries on his arms. The most serious incident was when he submerged himself in the bathtub while taking a shower, nearly suffocating to death.
In fact, Lin Qinzhou didn’t want to be like this, but he couldn’t control himself. He felt like he harbored a lot of hatred inside him, but he didn’t know what he was hating, as he had lost part of his memory and couldn’t remember anything.
It was just hatred—mad, suicidal hatred—so he could only relieve it through self-harm. Only when his body felt pain did his heart feel relief.
“I can’t quite remember how I got better later. I underwent electroconvulsive therapy and took medication; I guess I just gradually improved. But the part of my memory that I lost has never come back.”
“The psychologist told me not to force myself to remember, and my mom also said that it was just an unimportant memory. If I forget it, then forget it; I don’t need to care too much. But how could I not care? That is my life. Regardless of whether it’s important, whether it’s good or bad, it’s all a part of my life. How could I just let it go?”
In recent years, his condition has been quite stable; he hardly took medication anymore, and his regular check-ups were normal. He thought he was a normal person again.
“But coming here, I realized that’s not the case. I still have issues.”
Lin Qinzhou’s hands began to tremble again, feeling somewhat awkward, so he tightly gripped one hand with the other, trying to stop the trembling. But it was useless; his hands trembled even more.
Who doesn’t want to maintain composure in front of someone they like? But Lin Qinzhou couldn’t do it, so he didn’t dare lift his head, his voice unconsciously choked.
“Relax, take a deep breath.” A hand reached out beside him, gently grasping his wrist, and the faint scent of sandalwood that Lin Qinzhou was already familiar with wafted between them.
“I’m fine,” he forced a smile. “Boss Qin, I asked you before if we knew each other, and you said no. But I don’t believe it, because ever since I met you, many vague memories related to you have popped into my mind. I’ve doubted whether that’s just my imagination, but I believe it’s not.”
“That’s our past. It really happened, right?”
“I know you, don’t I?”
Lin Qinzhou looked at Qin Yue with a mix of pleading and expectation, hoping to get a positive answer from him. He was willing to lay bare his ugly self for the other to see. But Qin Yue remained unmoved, looking back into his eyes and slowly said, word by word:
“No, we don’t know each other.”
Lin Qinzhou scoffed a few times, the light in his eyes dimming, his shoulders drooping in despair. He exerted a bit of force, trying to shake off the hand holding him, but Qin Yue tightened his grip.
Lin Qinzhou found their current situation absurd, his tone sharp as he said, “Then can you let go?”
Qin Yue pursed his lips and didn’t move.
“Let go, I’m fine now.”
Still, Qin Yue didn’t move.
“Boss Qin, I like men. You doing this makes it easy for me to misunderstand.”
Qin Yue opened his mouth, then pressed his lips together again, his hand still not loosening.
Lin Qinzhou felt that Qin Yue must be in a terrible mood now because he sensed a strong feeling of oppression that he usually never displayed, but at this moment, it burst out uncontrollably.