Last Love chapter 19
Wen Ke stared blankly at Xu Jiale, but for a moment, he didn’t know how to comfort him.
He was an Omega, with Omega’s difficulties, confusion, and pain.
But he rarely thought about experiencing an Alpha’s concerns—
Back in junior high, he learned the sentence from Lu Xun, “The joys and sorrows of mankind do not share the same channel.” At that time, he was too young to understand the meaning of the sentence, but now he finally understood a little.
“Wen Ke, I started studying anthropology from my undergraduate years and then specialized in AO bisexual research. In this regard, I am a true expert—but I still fail miserably in the world of emotions.”
Xu Jiale didn’t continue talking about Jin Chu but patted Wen Ke’s hand instead. “So, failure is normal, whether it’s a career failure or a marriage failure. It’s all too normal. If you look out of this window, almost ninety-nine percent of people have been failures at some point. It’s not a big deal.”
Wen Ke subconsciously glanced out of the French window. The pouring rain made the lights in the night seem elusive and flickering.
He suddenly realized that behind each tiny light was a family.
Perhaps at this moment, someone was getting a divorce, and someone was being born.
“But, Wen Ke, you need to be careful about the gland removal.”
Xu Jiale continued, “There are probably less than 0.3% of A and O individuals in the world whose differentiation period is very late. Scholars have studied this, and the self and gender identity of these individuals often appear more confused than others. I later speculated, you know, the differentiation period of Omega and Alpha is basically synchronized with the adolescence development period. This is a very important period—it’s the second leap in self-awareness during human growth.”
“During this time, rapid physical development will leave adolescents in a state of psychological turmoil, gradually stabilizing after the end of adolescence. But differentiating too late will lead to a problem. When your internal self-identity has become stable, suddenly—your gender changes, and everything changes. You don’t understand what you are anymore. This is the source of confusion in self-identity.”
Wen Ke nodded. His life was more than just confusing.
Upon learning that he was an Omega, it came with the disdain and disgust of the person he cared about the most.
Since then, he had fallen into a long, long period of depression.
He had never truly let go, not referring to Han Jiangque’s attitude, but referring to the fact that he was an Omega. It was like a long-standing mistake.
Xu Jiale pushed up the gold-rimmed glasses on his nose. “Wen Ke, you were never a Beta; you just differentiated late. Removing the gland doesn’t mean you can become a Beta, and it certainly doesn’t mean you won’t have troubles anymore. I think it’s more important for you to learn to face and accept yourself.”
Wen Ke stared at Xu Jiale, feeling something deep within him suddenly touched.
He suddenly thought of the last time he saw Han Jiangque—
Han Jiangque had also said similar words, saying that over the years, he had learned to accept himself.
But he was such an outstanding Alpha, what was there about that “self” that couldn’t be accepted?
It was strange to think about. Over the past ten years, both of them were approaching thirty, but at this age, they unconsciously and persistently thought about the same question. Was this a universal concern in everyone’s hearts?
To accept oneself, how remarkable was that?
Lost in thought, Wen Ke couldn’t help but become absent-minded.
At this moment, Xu Jiale stood up lazily, stretched, patted Wen Ke’s shoulder, and his pheromones were A-level, with a faint refreshing scent of mint.
“Now, I’m going to sleep, and you’re responsible for cleaning up this mess. Because I just gave you an obligatory psychological therapy session. Oh, right, if you feel uncomfortable during the heat period at night, remember to find me.”
…
After a night of pouring rain, the next day dawned suddenly.
Wen Ke, rarely lazy, lay in bed for a while. He opened the window wider, smelling the moist and fresh rain vapor blowing in with the morning breeze. He lay like that, letting his mind empty for a while.
Sometimes, daydreaming was good too. There were too many things in his life that needed to be sorted out. Even if it was just daydreaming, it seemed like a slow process of clarification.
After some time, he remembered to check the time on his phone from under the pillow, but unexpectedly, there were two unread messages from Han Jiangque.
Wen Ke, are you awake?
I’m waiting for you outside your house.
Between the two messages, about ten minutes had passed, and the latter one was sent fifty minutes ago.
Wen Ke was startled, sitting up abruptly from the bed.
His whole person was in a daze. He rushed out of the room, thinking about opening the front door, but then he remembered something, turned and rushed into the bathroom. He quickly brushed his teeth, splashed water on his face, and hastily wiped his face. After making sure he looked presentable, he took a deep breath and opened the door.
Han Jiangque was standing in the elevator area.
He wore a neatly fitted white casual suit jacket over a light blue shirt, holding a file folder in his hand.
“You, you’ve been waiting for a long time, right?”
Wen Ke stammered when he spoke. “I woke up late and didn’t see the message. Why didn’t you… why didn’t you call?”
“I knew.”
Han Jiangque walked over, adding, “I knew you were sleeping, so I didn’t call.”
The two of them stood facing each other at the door for a while. In the end, it was Wen Ke who spoke first, a bit urgently, “Han Jiangque, have you been to see Zhuo Yuan?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t have to, actually.” Wen Ke said a bit anxiously. “I can handle the divorce myself, really.”
He said a sentence, seeing that Han Jiangque didn’t show any intention to respond, so he had to continue, “Yesterday… you said you were looking for me for something?”
“Yes.” Han Jiangque responded briefly, but there was no follow-up.
Wen Ke looked up in confusion. “Han Jiangque?”
Perhaps because Han Jiangque was too tall, he blocked all the light coming in through the window of the elevator area.
In the mottled backlight, all colors became monotonous, making the aesthetic of his features almost perfect.
An elegant and high-arching eyebrow, a straight and prominent nose. If the world had only two colors, then his pupils would be the most extreme black.
However, Han Jiangque’s expression was almost tense. His thin lips were pressed down, hesitating for a long time, and finally, he slowly spoke, “The last time you said you didn’t want to be with me, did you mean it?”
“I…”
Wen Ke opened his lips in bewilderment.
He did mean it.
Wen Ke thought he should say that.
“Wen Ke, do you no longer like me?”
Han Jiangque asked softly.
Wen Ke still clenched his teeth without answering.
Han Jiangque didn’t receive a response for a long time. The light in his eyes gradually became lost, he lowered his eyes, and fell silent for a moment.
He was hurt.
Wen Ke thought this and suddenly felt a violent pain in his heart.
Even though Han Jiangque hadn’t said anything, and his expression hadn’t changed much, he knew that he was hurt.
Han Jiangque was a wounded, lonely little beast yearning for care.
He had always known that.
Even at an age when he was still quite ignorant of many things, he could always intuitively perceive Han Jiangque’s vulnerability and needs—
In that instant, it was as if he had been thrown back into his youthful days.
Young Han Jiangque sat on his doorstep, holding his knees. There was still a red scarf around his neck, hanging crookedly to the side. He lifted his head and asked him, “Wen Ke, let’s run away. I don’t want to go to school, and I don’t want to go home.”
High school students no longer needed to wear red scarves, but Han Jiangque was often involved in fights at school, so the headmaster personally tied it for him, saying that he should be treated like an elementary school student for a week, and let other students see it.
It was summer at that time. On Han Jiangque’s bare arms revealed under the short-sleeved shirt were traces of purplish-red marks from being beaten.
Wen Ke stood awkwardly in front of Han Jiangque. His heart was uneasy. He was a good student, and good students always had to think about many things. He thought—where should they run away to?
Seeing that he didn’t speak, Han Jiangque stood up stubbornly and said, “Then, I’ll go by myself.”
So, Wen Ke rushed up, grabbing his arm. He remembered saying, “Let’s go see the sea, Han Jiangque.”
In the flickering and hesitant night, the two teenagers hastily fled.
Wen Ke rode an old bicycle, the wheels making a creaking sound with each turn. Han Jiangque sat on the back, holding onto his waist, drinking a bottle of ice-cold soda.
On that long tree-lined avenue, Wen Ke let go of the handlebars, opened his hands, and let the hot summer wind blow on his face.
A bright red scarf suddenly flew up in the wind, rotated twice, and then disappeared without a trace.
Han Jiangque asked, “Wen Ke, how far is it to the sea?”
He said it would be soon.
“Wen Ke, how much longer does summer last?”
Han Jiangque pressed his face against Wen Ke’s sweaty back and murmured softly.
He thought it would be soon too.
They would see the sea, and summer would come to an end.
…
Wen Ke’s eyes suddenly moistened, and the overwhelming emotion for the person in front of him swept over him once again.
Of course, he liked him, liked him too much.
But now, he actually still maintained this intense liking, making it unbearable for him.
“Han Jiangque, why…?”
He sniffled, raised his head with red eyes, “Ten years ago, didn’t you dislike me as soon as you found out I was an Omega? Didn’t you not want to talk to me at all? Why are you coming back now and asking these questions? Did you not know back then, how much I liked you? Did you ever give me a response?”
Wen Ke leaned against the door frame—
He still said it to Han Jiangque.
Even though he had told himself countless times, he didn’t blame Han Jiangque.
But it was actually impossible.
He cared too much, cared to the extent that this hurdle had almost never passed.
After the reunion, he repeatedly emphasized that they had grown up, but in reality, he himself had never truly let go.
He liked Han Jiangque so much, with all his heart.
He was still very young, but he instinctively protected Han Jiangque with all his might, protecting him for a full three years.
But why, at the time when he needed support the most, Han Jiangque refused to provide him with the same protection.
“I’m sorry… Wen Ke, I’m sorry.”
Han Jiangque’s fingers trembled slightly as he pulled out a drawing from the folder and handed it to Wen Ke.
“I drew this picture—”
He lowered his head, like a child who had done something wrong, and said softly, “On the day you went into heat, I went to see you with this drawing— I just didn’t expect that Zhuo Yuan was there. At that time, I crumpled this drawing, originally intending to throw it away. But later, I couldn’t bear to, so I kept it until today.”
Wen Ke lowered his head. The drawing paper in his hand was somewhat yellowed and crumpled, obviously crumpled into a ball and then patiently flattened, preserved for a long time.
On it was an ugly painting done with colored crayons.
An ugly, almost sky-high giraffe.
A little boy hanging around the giraffe’s neck, tying a pink heart-shaped bow on it.
“I liked you too.”
Han Jiangque’s pitch-black eyes looked directly at him, and there was a hint of pain hidden in his eyes. “I don’t dislike you, Wen Ke. I fell in love with you ten years ago.”