I Only Want You chapter 43
Sub CP 5
In the past, none of Yang Xiaole’s cross-dressing partners meant anything to him. He was sensitive, and as soon as he sensed the relationship progressing further, he would quickly send a breakup text, block all contact, and disappear.
This one-sided breakup and the method of “vanishing from the world” had been performed many times during his four years of undergraduate studies, especially during summer and winter vacations. He never felt remorse or regret about it. He was completely indifferent, and he didn’t dare deny the malicious nature of his actions.
However, when facing Bian Xianyang, he became hesitant and fearful. Fear even led him to contemplate avoiding the situation. Yet, in the end, he chose to confront it. The bottom line was that he liked Bian Xianyang. He liked how Bian Xianyang treated relationships with simplicity and sincerity. He liked the Bian Xianyang who wanted to cherish Nana.
Bian Xianyang was great, excelling in everything where Yang Xiaole performed poorly. Despite being a highly critical person, Bian Xianyang couldn’t find fault with him. So, only with Bian Xianyang, he couldn’t bring himself to break up through a text and disappear. This was something he could recognize as having severe consequences, both for the rest of his own life and for Bian Xianyang, who was kept in the dark.
This was a step that couldn’t be avoided or ignored; it had to be taken. He was willing to set aside his pride, admit his mistakes even if it scared him, and he didn’t want to become a person hated like his father. He didn’t want to be beyond redemption.
“Do you think I’d be happy hearing a man say he likes me?”
Yang Xiaole lifted his face slightly to look at him and quickly lowered it again, choking back a sob. “I’m sorry, but I have to say, even if it disgusts you, I have to say it.”
Bian Xianyang furrowed his brow. “I didn’t say it’s disgusting. Why do you have to imagine things so exaggeratedly? Do you see me as that kind of person?”
Yang Xiaole explained anxiously, “No. You are good in my eyes, and that’s why I like you.”
“You only think apologizing and saying you like me will solve everything?”
“…I know I was wrong.”
Bian Xianyang almost laughed in frustration. He wanted to say something harsh to vent his dissatisfaction and anger, but looking at those swollen eyes, he decided against it. He didn’t want to provoke more tears.
Their actions quickly attracted the attention of passersby. Although not many, just a few individuals, Bian Xianyang still cautiously lowered his cap as he passed by Yang Xiaole.
Seeing him turn back, Yang Xiaole subconsciously followed him. Like a tail, he trailed behind Bian Xianyang through the entrance of Building A and waited for the elevator.
Bian Xianyang, watching the blurry figure on the elevator, coldly asked, “Why are you following me?”
Startled, Yang Xiaole turned around and forcefully stopped, walked back to Bian Xianyang, bowed his head, and said, “I’m sorry.”
Bian Xianyang let out a light, cold snort, and as the elevator doors opened, he went in first. Yang Xiaole hesitated for a moment before following him into the empty elevator, hugging his backpack tightly.
As the elevator ascended to the fifteenth floor, Bian Xianyang opened the door and entered his apartment, leaving Yang Xiaole to follow. Looking at the elevator’s fading silhouette, Bian Xianyang asked coldly, “Do I have to invite you in?”
Yang Xiaole hesitated for a moment, then entered, changing into indoor shoes. The living room was modern and minimalist, giving off a showroom vibe. Despite its exquisite details, it lacked a homely feel, as if the owner rarely returned.
Bian Xianyang sat on the sofa, took off his cap and mask, while Yang Xiaole, nervously watching him, asked, “Where were you going earlier?”
“What’s it to you? On what grounds are you asking?”
Yang Xiaole made a motion of zipping his mouth. He resisted the urge to inspect the house and kept his eyes on the floor. However, this downward gaze made him notice a trash can filled with roses.
Beautifully packaged, the roses were vibrant, and their fragrance filled the room. Yang Xiaole couldn’t help but move towards the trash can and extend his hand.
“Don’t pick them up!”
Startled, Yang Xiaole quickly withdrew his hand, looking at Bian Xianyang with a bit of fear. “These flowers…”
“These flowers have nothing to do with you. Even if I throw them away, you’re not allowed to pick them up.”
Yang Xiaole nodded.
“Do you want to take out the trash?”
“I’ll take it out. I’ll take out the trash and the flowers, they’re both going to be thrown away anyway.”
“I said you’re not allowed to pick them up.”
Yang Xiaole lowered his head. “I won’t pick them up.”
Bian Xianyang had had enough. “Go to the kitchen and fry the steak.”
“Me?”
Bian Xianyang remained silent, just staring at him.
Yang Xiaole dared not to speak and turned to walk towards the open kitchen.
Bian Xianyang sat on the sofa with his arms crossed, watching the TV playing a cooking show. When he heard the cheerful voice on the TV, he looked towards the kitchen. “Are you learning on the spot?”
Yang Xiaole, startled by the sudden voice, clung to the kitchen counter, turned his head, and looked at Bian Xianyang. “I don’t know how to cook. I’m just figuring out how to do it.”
Bian Xianyang glanced at him indifferently. “I’ll give you an hour. If you can’t make it, I’ll go out to eat, and you have to leave.”
Yang Xiaole presented the fried steak timely when sixty minutes passed, nervously arranging the tableware for Bian Xianyang.
Bian Xianyang didn’t look at him, picked up the fork and knife, and started eating.
Yang Xiaole behaved like a little wife standing beside him, anxiously watching him. He wanted to ask about the taste but dared not speak, fearing it might anger him.
Bian Xianyang finished one portion of steak without saying a word, put down the utensils, and said, “Are you pretending you don’t know or do you really not know?”
“No, I really don’t know. I’m just smart and learn things quickly.”
Bian Xianyang looked at his profile attentively. A similar conversation had occurred when they first met. The lively girl, Nana, acted like a cunning fox, confidently claiming to be smart. The next moment, she was hiding behind him at the sound of hotel staff, clearly timid despite her seemingly playful demeanor. It was like a child playing at being an adult. It was entertaining, and he found himself deeply attracted.
“Nana” was interesting. During their chats on WeChat, she didn’t treat him like a celebrity. She was even more sarcastic and mocked him a lot. She would comfort him when he said he was tired, jokingly urging him to endure for the sake of money. She comforted him by saying she also wanted to die after studying. They would pray together for the world to end in the next second, with aliens taking over Earth. It was rarely a soft side, showing that even a timid person could be playful like a child. It was fascinating, and he liked the entertaining aspect of it. Even if she was a little scammer who cried so miserably, he couldn’t help but like her.
Although “Nana” didn’t exist, the fun part of the inner self belonged to the person in front of him.
In a person, no matter how the appearance changed, the soul remained unchanged, even if it was a little scammer who liked to dress up.
While Bian Xianyang was lost in thought, Yang Xiaole automatically picked up the plates, washed the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen. After putting everything back in place, he took his backpack and cautiously asked, “Should I… go now?”
“Did I ask you to stay?”
Yang Xiaole hesitated. “Should I also take the garbage down for you?”
“Do as you please.”
Yang Xiaole nodded.
He carefully lifted the bouquet of roses from the trash bin. The moment he picked it up, his attention was drawn to the black velvet jewelry box lying quietly beneath the clean bottom of the bin.
He cautiously glanced at Bian Xianyang, who wasn’t paying attention to this side, and quickly grabbed the jewelry box from the bottom of the bin. Anxiously, he rushed to the entrance to change shoes.
As Bian Xianyang walked past the garbage bin, he deliberately looked inside. Seeing that the bin was clean, he didn’t show any expression. Watching the person change shoes and push the door open to leave, he said in a cold tone, “Tell me your name again?”
When changing shoes, Yang Xiaole had already hidden the jewelry box in his backpack. Carrying the bag, holding the garbage, and clutching the flowers, he stood by the door. “Yang Xiaole, Yang from the tree, Xiaole from the dawn, and Le from happiness.”
“Did I ask you about those characters?”
“Sorry,” Yang Xiaole quickly apologized, as if pressing a switch, not even bothering to think.
Bian Xianyang deeply looked at him. The phrase “Don’t come again, consider us strangers” circled in his mind and dissipated after a while. He turned around without saying a word.
Yang Xiaole closed the door, took the elevator downstairs, and threw away the kitchen waste. Unable to wait to return to the dormitory, he found a flowerbed by the roadside, sat down, and placed the flowers on the ground. He took out the jewelry box hidden in his backpack, muttering to himself in a convincing manner, “If I don’t discard it, it doesn’t count as picking it up.”
The black velvet jewelry box felt good in his hands. Unconsciously holding his breath, he opened the box to reveal a silver sparkling bracelet, shining like a string of stars.
Perfect for Nana, but not suitable for him. Just like the roses.
Yang Xiaole stared at the bracelet for a long time before putting it away. The jewelry box was neatly placed back into his backpack.
Only a fool wouldn’t pick it up. Even if he couldn’t wear it, he would keep it. After all, it’s something you don’t want. I never said I don’t want it.