I Only Want You chapter 5

Yan Lan didn’t tell Yang Xiaole that the current Xie Yun Zhi was different from the one he saw five years ago; they could even be considered as two different people.

His memory was excellent, and the half-hour by Lianxian Lake five years ago hadn’t faded a bit in his mind over time. However, what he wrote on paper to tell Yang Xiaole was only a fraction of it.

Being mute, even if he knew sign language, encountering people who could communicate without paper and pen in daily life was not common. Most of the time, he needed to communicate in writing, even with Yang Xiaole, who had been his roommate for many years and had a good relationship.

In this world, whenever a person has troubles and wants someone to confide in, it’s not an easy thing for a mute person because finding someone who understands sign language is not easy.

The first time Yan Lan saw Xie Yun Zhi was when he was tormented by anxiety and fear. At that time, he was sitting on a stone bench by Lianxian Lake in a blue and white school uniform, staring at the sparkling lake, lost in thought. He was contemplating whether jumping into the lake and swimming a few laps would make him feel more comfortable and relieve some stress.

The pressure of the college entrance examination, the tuition and living expenses for university, and every expense he would need in the future weighed heavily on his shoulders, making it difficult for him to breathe.

The pressure and real problems he had to bear for the college entrance examination were unimaginable for his classmates. He lived frugally, applied for all the available scholarships and subsidies for disabled people, saved the scholarship and competition prizes from high school for three years, and dared not spend a single penny recklessly. However, compared to what he needed, all of these were just a drop in the bucket.

Feeling anxious and fearful about the uncertain future is a human instinct. Adults can hardly overcome such feelings, let alone Yan Lan, who was only seventeen at the time. He couldn’t sleep all night, his stomach was hungry, but he had no appetite. Everything he ate tasted bland.

He felt very uncomfortable, but no one noticed. No one knew that in front of him, countless people passed by, and the pleasant sounds and laughter of those people were so harsh in his ears that a feeling of extreme irritability suddenly surged in his chest.

He stood up suddenly and was about to walk towards the lake when a somewhat lazy male voice stopped him.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Yan Lan hesitated upon hearing the voice, and didn’t turn around. He wasn’t sure if the question was directed at him.

“I’m asking you.”

Yan Lan’s heart skipped a beat, turned slowly, and saw a very young man squatting on the grass near the stone bench where he had just sat. He looked like he was in his early twenties, with a youthful appearance like a university student.

Seeing Yan Lan turn around, the man waved at him with a carefree expression. “Come over.”

Yan Lan frowned slightly.

The man raised an eyebrow lazily. “How big are your troubles that you want to jump into the lake?”

Yan Lan shook his head after hearing this.

“What does shaking your head mean? Is it so hard to say a word to me? Do I look like a bad person?”

Yan Lan felt annoyed by him, deliberately using sign language: I can’t speak; I’m mute.

The man looked at him in surprise. “Sorry.”

Now Yan Lan was the one who was surprised: You understand sign language?

“I understand. I have a nephew who is deaf and mute. He was a premature baby with weak health. He became deaf-mute due to a fever that didn’t subside. My family learned sign language to communicate with him.” The man spoke while raising a hand to support his cheek. “You seem to be a high school student, right? What grade?”

Yan Lan hesitated for a moment, then gestured with his fingers to indicate third grade.

“Oh~ No wonder you look so troubled. Come over and sit. Let me, as an experienced person, comfort you a bit. Besides, I’m in a good mood today.”

The man finished speaking and stood up to sit on the stone bench. He even patted the empty space beside him, signaling Yan Lan to come over and sit down.

Yan Lan walked over with a cold face and sat one seat away from the man.

The man tilted his head and glanced at him. “Are you an art student?”

Yan Lan couldn’t help but turn his head to look at him.

A faint smile appeared on the man’s lips, and his handsome features stretched into a friendly smile. The two points of laziness that couldn’t be dispersed between his eyebrows and eyes gave him a uniquely charming charm. “I smell the scent of paint on you, and your hands are stained with some that haven’t been washed.”

Yan Lan, upon hearing this, couldn’t help but look at his own fingers.

“You give me the feeling of being smart. It doesn’t seem like you’re worrying about your grades. A student doesn’t have many things to worry about. Let me guess… is it because of money?”

Yan Lan still lowered his head to look at his fingers, showing no reaction.

“Art school tuition is quite expensive. The total cost for four years of university, including living expenses and accommodation, is indeed a considerable amount. I have a friend who comes from a poor family, but he’s very talented. He was the top scorer in the science college entrance examination in our province. S University waived his tuition and accommodation fees, and he also received scholarships and various subsidies to attend.”

Yan Lan listened with a mixture of envy and shame: I’m not that talented.

The man waved his hand. “I’m not asking you to become a top scorer. What I mean is, there is no dead end in this world. You are an art student, so set your sights on becoming a modern Picasso, Da Vinci, or Van Gogh. Use your paintings to explore the future.”

Yan Lan turned his face expressionless to look at him.

The man awkwardly touched his nose. “What I mean is… since you can paint, why not use painting to make money? Of course, it’s best to think about this problem after you finish your exams.”

Yan Lan looked puzzled, extended his index finger, and drew a small question mark in the air.

The man raised his eyebrows, gesturing for him to look. “Do you see how many people are here? Thousands pass by the Lianxian Lake every day, and during the holiday tourist season, there are even more. Set up an art stall here, sketch portraits for people, charge 80 yuan per sketch. Can you do watercolor and oil paintings? Take your finished artworks, tidy them up, put them in attractive frames, and sell them for one or two hundred each. You can make more money selling one than two sketches.”

The man, speaking with a lazy demeanor, suddenly straightened up. “Let me tell you, good-looking people like you can easily win the favor of strangers when working hard to earn money for university tuition. Especially since you are mute, that can earn you sympathy points.”

“All solutions are devised by people. If you have a skill, don’t waste it. If you’re short on money, earn it. If you like to draw, persist in it, don’t give up. Giving up is when you truly have nothing.” The man spoke, then suddenly laughed with joy, his eyes curving. “For example, if I had given up my dream of becoming a director early on, my brother would never have agreed to let me go abroad to study directing. How else could I catch a flight to New York tomorrow?”

Yan Lan looked at his relaxed and cheerful expression, seemingly influenced by it. “Is your dream to become a director?”

“Yes, I’ve liked it since I was a child. My parents passed away early, and my brother raised me. He didn’t approve of me studying directing; he wanted me to help manage the family business. He forced me to major in management in college, but I resisted. I just wanted to make movies in the future. During my four years in college, whenever I had time, I worked on film sets. He couldn’t change my mind, and eventually, he agreed to let me pursue directing.”

Yan Lan looked at the satisfied expression on his face, feeling a mix of amusement and envy. “Your brother must be really good to you.”

“An elder brother is like a father, stern but caring. I especially want to make a movie in the future and take him to the premiere. Maybe one day, when you and your girlfriend go to the movies, you’ll be watching a film directed by me, Xie Yun Zhi.”

The man fell silent after saying this.

Yan Lan suddenly gestured in sign language. “My homeroom teacher told me that if I can choose a teacher’s college and major in special education, becoming a teacher for children like me is more stable than studying at the art academy. Being a teacher is a secure job, and it won’t leave me hungry.”

“Studying art won’t leave you hungry either. You can easily earn money with your art. Maybe in the future, as an artist, you can even have an exhibition, creating a future that rivals that of a teacher. My brother always insists that studying management or finance is good for the future. I know he means well, but those aren’t what I want. I don’t want to live that kind of life, filled with endless meetings, unreadable reports, and troublesome board meetings.”

“There are many paths in this world, and each choice is a road. People will tell you which one is better, but no matter how splendid their words are, in the end, you are the one walking. No one can help you. So why not choose a path you like? Even if it’s difficult and tough, lifting your head and seeing the scenery you want will bring happiness to your heart.”

As Xie Yun Zhi spoke these words, his eyes remained fixed on the lake in front of him, and Yan Lan watched the side of his face. He could feel the person in front of him longing and yearning for the future, a state he deeply desired.

Just as he was thinking about how to describe this state, he suddenly caught a glimpse of a yellow butterfly fluttering and silently landing on Xie Yun Zhi’s shoulder.

Yan Lan’s gaze was immediately drawn to it, feeling somewhat awkward as he looked at the butterfly. He wasn’t sure whether to alert the person in front of him.

Unexpectedly, Xie Yun Zhi noticed it himself. He seemed startled, instantly jumping up from the stone bench and pulling at the collar to scare the butterfly away.

Yan Lan witnessed the entire process of him jumping up, his eyes filled with confusion. Wasn’t it just a butterfly? Not a bee or anything…

Xie Yun Zhi met Yan Lan’s gaze with a slightly embarrassed cough. “I really dislike bugs, not afraid.”

Yan Lan suddenly understood, raising an eyebrow.

Thinking that Yan Lan might not believe him, Xie Yun Zhi emphasized, “I really am not afraid, just don’t like them.”

Yan Lan nodded vigorously.

Xie Yun Zhi didn’t dwell on it. “Anyway, don’t give up. Everyone must have dreams. If you like something, persist in it. Don’t easily disregard life and jump into the lake.”

Yan Lan pursed his lips and decided to explain, “I’m not going to jump into the lake; I just have a bad mood and wanted to swim in the lake.”

Xie Yun Zhi frowned, “Are you a fish? Why swim in the lake? Can’t you go to the swimming pool? What if you catch a cold? What if you get injured? What if something happens, and you can’t take the college entrance exam?”

Yan Lan blushed at his questions and lowered his head slowly.

It wasn’t that he felt embarrassed; it was just that no one had ever said such things to him. Even the concerned eyes and brows with anger were genuinely caring.

Perhaps it was the release of negative emotions that had been building up in his heart for too long, finding an outlet for expression. The tears, bursting out of his eyes, surged down his cheeks, quietly overwhelming him with an unexpected wave of grievances.

People were like this; when no one cared, they would endure even the most significant challenges on their own. When someone cared, the taut strings in their hearts would suddenly loosen, and grievances would flow out like a floodgate opening.

Xie Yun Zhi was at a loss, seeing him cry. Frantically, he pulled out half a pack of tissues from his pocket and handed one to him. “Don’t cry. I know I was a bit harsh just now, but I was afraid that if you came again, you might think about swimming in the lake. I’ll leave tomorrow, and I might not come here again. If there’s another time, I won’t be able to stop you.”

Yan Lan held the tissue in his hand and shook his head.

Xie Yun Zhi sighed, squatted in front of him, lifted his face, and looked directly into his teary eyes. “You must never have thoughts of swimming in the lake again. It’s not fun, and even if you feel upset, you can’t do this. Promise me this.”

Yan Lan nodded with teary eyes.

Seemingly relieved, Xie Yun Zhi said, “Now I believe you. Don’t lie to me. Even though we just met by chance, if you deceive me, I’ll be really upset. Here, wipe away your tears. If someone doesn’t know, they might think I bullied you. That would be so unfair to me. This is the first time in my life being a confidant for someone.”

Yan Lan couldn’t help but smile, nodding with the tissue covering his eyes.

Xie Yun Zhi, holding his chin with one hand, looked at the face in front of him that was now smiling through tears. “Seeing you laugh so beautifully, I’ll give you a blessing. I wish for your wishes to come true soon and for you to become an ideal person.”

It was the first time Yan Lan had heard such a blessing, and he gestured in sign language with curiosity: What is an ideal person?

“Having dreams and taking responsibility, fearless and courageous—that’s an ideal person,” Xie Yun Zhi said, scratching his head with a bit of embarrassment. “My dad said that. I didn’t know before, but later I found out he’s quite naive and romantic, like the protagonist of an enthusiastic anime—positive and optimistic. He used to talk to me about these things when I was a child. After he passed away, I never forgot.”

Yan Lan, growing up in an orphanage, abandoned by his biological parents, didn’t have such precious memories. He couldn’t help but feel a bit envious.

Xie Yun Zhi stood up, hands on his knees, looking at the person in front of him who had stopped crying and now had a smiling face through the tissue. “I should go now. Aren’t you supposed to go back to school?”

Yan Lan looked at him with reluctance: Will I be able to see you again in the future?

Xie Yun Zhi revealed a very handsome smile, confident and bold, leaving a deep impression on the young Yan Lan’s heart. “Maybe, we’re so fateful; we might meet again in the future. If you haven’t forgotten about me.”

Yan Lan hadn’t forgotten him; he had kept him in his heart for five years. But Xie Yun Zhi had forgotten about him.

The reunion five years later, even though Xie Yun Zhi’s temperament and gaze were no longer the same, Yan Lan immediately recognized him. Just as he was excited to tell him that he had followed his advice, earned money by drawing at the Lake, and successfully got into an art institute with the fees and living expenses covered by his own efforts, Xie Yun Zhi greeted him with a casual “Hello, teacher,” extinguishing all the enthusiasm in Yan Lan’s heart.

The unfamiliarity in those eyes he had dreamed of countless times indicated that they were really just strangers who had met by chance.