Blue Cocktail chapter 37

A sudden tremor in his heart, Cheng Shuo couldn’t distinguish the unfamiliar feeling in his chest in time. He just hastily denied, “It’s not like that.”

Lu Huaiqian returned to his emotionless state. He looked into Cheng Shuo’s eyes, “We’ve known each other longer than you’ve known him, right?”

The preceding sentence was left without a follow-up. His tone gradually became calm, almost emotionless, as if he were calm after being doused with a bucket of cold water.

“He helped me, Aru helped me.”

Cheng Shuo struggled to organize his words, eager to explain in the shortest possible way, but it seemed a bit inadequate.

“He helped me before, delivering cufflinks to you. Today, it’s the same. It’s my first day as a bartender, and you weren’t here. I didn’t know anything, and he helped me a lot. He said his work uniform had a print, while mine had embroidery. So, he wanted to touch the embroidery on my chest. I agreed. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to let him touch it through the clothes. I just didn’t want to refuse.”

“Touching through the clothes won’t hurt,” Lu Huaiqian lowered his gaze, remaining silent for a long time. “Indeed, what you said makes sense.”

“You can change now.”

“Sorry for taking up your time.”

With that, Lu Huaiqian turned decisively, walking briskly toward the changing room door.

His steps were fast and firm, without hesitation, and there was no turning back, as he usually did. Cheng Shuo looked at Lu Huaiqian’s receding figure, suddenly realizing that Lu Huaiqian used to smile, and he couldn’t see through it. Now that Lu Huaiqian wasn’t smiling, he still couldn’t see through it.

His chest felt stuffy. He unconsciously took a few steps toward Lu Huaiqian but didn’t dare to get too close. He still maintained a certain distance—a safe social distance that could be retreated, evaded, and escaped at any time.

Cheng Shuo’s lips moved, making every effort to produce new syllables.

But it ended in failure.

His thoughts at that time, the process of agreeing with Aru, he had already told Lu Huaiqian without any concealment. Was Lu Huaiqian’s response relief, or was he indifferent?

He didn’t know.

He began to feel at a loss, not knowing what to explain. Or, more accurately, he didn’t want to say. It was like he couldn’t say—

He disliked physical contact with unfamiliar people, especially from males and older individuals. This avoidance was subconscious because of childhood experiences of being harassed.

Aru appeared to be around his age, at most three or four years older. Lu Huaiqian looked around thirty, falling into the age range Cheng Shuo defined as older individuals. So, from the beginning, he showed a clear rejection of Lu Huaiqian, much like he knew.

Although later, he deliberately suppressed the subconscious effect, he had to admit that when he first met Lu Huaiqian, his level of vigilance and his level of vigilance when facing Aru were completely different.

Maybe Lu Huaiqian also noticed.

After all, Lu Huaiqian was always astute and insightful.

In an instant, the bewildered emotions erupted like a virus with sparse air as nourishment. The thoughts that barely grew were eroded, and Cheng Shuo felt like an apple that appeared glossy on the surface but was rotten inside. Even if it were picked by someone, it would only be tasted briefly, spit out, cursed as unlucky and unfortunate, and finally abandoned or discarded.

The sound of metal pieces turning started—one circle, two circles.

The door of the changing room was pushed open, and the pivot made a grating friction sound, like a sharp knife ruthlessly slashing across stiff wood.

Watching Lu Huaiqian’s figure about to disappear into the room, out of sight—

“I don’t, I don’t dislike you touching me!” Cheng Shuo blurted out in urgency.

He bit his dry lips, “Clearly, you’re overthinking. Why do you have to blame me?”

Lu Huaiqian finally turned his head, his gaze deep, falling on Cheng Shuo’s forehead.

“I’ve told you everything about what I was thinking at that time. How else do you want me to explain?”

He heard Cheng Shuo’s tone tremble slightly, appearing somewhat aggrieved.

“If I disliked you touching me, I wouldn’t have let you measure, tie my tie. If I disliked you touching me, I would have kicked you away a long time ago. Do I look like someone who just obediently accepts everything?”

Lu Huaiqian fell silent for a few seconds, his Adam’s apple rolling. “But I thought you were just hesitant due to my boss status, unable to refuse.”

Cheng Shuo suddenly froze.

In that moment, he couldn’t even distinguish his own feelings. Maybe Lu Huaiqian was right about everything. If he didn’t work at Mo Blue Bar, if there were no employer-employee relationship between him and Lu Huaiqian, maybe… maybe he would have pushed the other away long ago.

When years of vigilance become a habit, a bond of the soul, even if he knows it’s a bad habit, he can only endure it, unable to easily let go.

Because it concerns the soul he has painstakingly pieced together from fragments and ruins.

Though Cheng Shuo’s silence was brief, it was enough to confirm this speculation. Lu Huaiqian tugged at the corner of his mouth, sensing that it was indeed the case. He softly declared the end of the conversation, “I won’t bother you anymore. Go change your clothes.”

The continuing sound of the sandpaper-like door hinge.

Through the deformed wooden board, the familiar figure under the door frame.

Cheng Shuo suddenly had a hunch. If he let Lu Huaiqian leave now, he would lose Lu Huaiqian as a friend—just a friend?

He didn’t have time to delve deeper.

“You also… can!” Cheng Shuo gritted his teeth.

Lu Huaiqian’s figure paused slightly.

“Aren’t you… just concerned that Aru touched me a few times too many?” Cheng Shuo said to Lu Huaiqian’s back, “You can also… touch me.”

Lu Huaiqian turned around, his expression absolutely calm, but there seemed to be something surging in his eyes, like a vortex in the deep sea. After a long silence, he asked, “Do you know what you’re saying?”

“I know.”

Lu Huaiqian looked into Cheng Shuo’s eyes, searching for what he wanted. There was none. Not a trace of emotion, clear and open, just like when they first met.

“No, you don’t know.”

“I know.” The other party sounded resolute.

Lu Huaiqian sneered, mocking both Cheng Shuo and himself. He silently, step by step, approached Cheng Shuo.

As expected, Cheng Shuo’s reaction was as he anticipated. He wouldn’t take the initiative to get closer; he would definitely step back until he was pushed into a corner, with no room to retreat.

A dark shadow fell on Cheng Shuo. Lu Huaiqian’s fingertips landed on the lower edge of Cheng Shuo’s vest, pinching and rubbing repeatedly with force. The finger bones scraped against the soft flesh around Cheng Shuo’s waist. After feeling enough, they moved slowly up the spine. Arms circled around Cheng Shuo’s waist, palms inserted between the vest and shirt, moving upward slowly. The gap left by the two layers of fabric was widened by the arms.

A button fell to the ground.

From the vest.

Lu Huaiqian just glanced at it indifferently, as if nothing had happened. His hand moved from behind to the front chest, repeatedly rubbing the shirt with his fingertips. He then slid an inch by inch, rubbing back and forth over the prominent points on Cheng Shuo’s chest. Cheng Shuo’s skin and Lu Huaiqian’s fingertips were separated by a thin layer of fabric, just a layer of distance.

Anyway, touching through the clothes wouldn’t miss any flesh.

Cheng Shuo bit his lower lip, his body unconsciously trembling, his back arching, pressing tightly against the wall.

It was always a posture of rejection and avoidance, but because there was no way out, he could only endure it forcibly?

Lu Huaiqian’s Adam’s apple moved slightly, and he asked in a low voice, “Do you hate it? If you say you hate it, I’ll stop.”

“No…”

The voice was already trembling, the breathing slightly erratic. Cheng Shuo’s legs went weak as Lu Huaiqian touched him, sliding down a short distance along the wall, still stubbornly shaking his head, biting his lip.

It seemed that he truly didn’t dislike his touch, but he probably didn’t enjoy it either. If he didn’t enjoy it, there was no point in continuing. What was the point of forcing it?

Reason told Lu Huaiqian that he should stop now, but his senses were indulging in the excessively intimate contact, becoming even more intense. Maybe enduring it had been too hard recently. He leaned close to Cheng Shuo’s ear, half-lowered his eyelids, and spoke softly.

The hot breath sprayed on Cheng Shuo’s neck. Cheng Shuo turned his head slightly, whether intentional or unintentional.

“Aru is interested in you.”

Lu Huaiqian’s voice was somewhat hoarse.

“Can’t you tell?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“I thought you felt it.”

“I really… don’t know.”

Lu Huaiqian’s actions did not stop. He fell silent for a moment and asked again, “Do you like him?”

“…Who?”

“Do you like Aru?”

“No.”

This time the answer was without hesitation, almost without thinking. Lu Huaiqian lifted his eyes and glanced at Cheng Shuo—

The corners of his eyes were slightly reddened, whether physiological or psychological.

Lu Huaiqian’s heart skipped a beat, suddenly waking up, realizing that he seemed to have done something wrong in the heat of the moment. He stopped his movements abruptly, retracted his arms, closed his eyes, and let out a long breath. “Sorry—”

He hesitated to speak again.

However, the next sentence from Cheng Shuo surprised him.

“I let you… touch me,” Cheng Shuo’s breathing was still slightly fast. He panted and said, “Do you still think… I dislike you touching me?”

There was no blame in his words.

Lu Huaiqian’s facial muscles trembled very slightly, causing a ripple in his heart.

Suddenly, he felt that he should immediately go to the second floor, take out the letter from He Yin from the locked cabinet, read it word by word, from beginning to end, repeatedly telling himself not to be impulsive.

He knew very well what Cheng Shuo had been through.