Don’t Ignite It chapter 91

Difficult to Escape Blame: Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen(Part 20)

Qin Sheng didn’t speak for a while. He had to admit that when he heard the word “divorce,” for a moment, his blood seemed to freeze, and his heart felt like it had been pricked with a needle. He remembered Xu Zhan’s tearful eyes gazing at him. That string of emerald beads, the teardrop-shaped pendant, falling onto Xu Zhan’s forehead, resembled a compassionate deity. He cursed under his breath. Zach probably realized he had caused trouble and awkwardly touched his nose, trying to justify himself. “International investigations are always a bit challenging. Okay, I admit it, I didn’t investigate him properly. I’m sorry, buddy. If you need it, I can accompany you to apologize to your lover…”

“No need.”

“Huh?”

Qin Sheng sat in a lounge chair, looking out through the floor-to-ceiling window at the gray-toned, lifeless sea beyond. “So what if he got divorced? It just proves that he’s really a fickle scoundrel,” he muttered softly. “Two months ago, he was still considering adopting a child with his partner, and now he is divorcing just for me. Quite something.”

Sounding even more despicable. He was no better than his father. Zach also caught on, realizing that Qin Sheng didn’t regret anything. He suddenly became lively again, joining in with his buddy’s rant about his ex. “You’re right. Changing his mind about his legitimate partner just like flipping a book, what kind of person does that? It seems he was just attracted to you because of your looks. If he met someone younger and more attractive, who knows who he’d choose.”

Zach continued chattering away. He was naturally talkative, having been assigned to North Carolina by his family after graduating. He complained about work every day and was delighted to finally get some gossip from Qin Sheng.

But Qin Sheng didn’t want to listen, so he hung up on him.

The phone call ended, and Norway’s icy landscape remained silent. Qin Sheng absentmindedly caressed his right wrist, which was now empty. That string of emerald beads was no longer there.

What he told Zach was the truth. He was disgusted with himself for unknowingly becoming the third party in someone else’s relationship. So what if Xu Zhan had gotten divorced? At least when Xu Zhan was with him, he had never been single, and their relationship had never been entirely genuine. 

Qin Sheng basked in the Norwegian sunlight and gently closed his eyes. It was too quiet around him, and it felt like he could hear the beating of his heart from his chest. One beat after another, each one carrying a dull pain, like a blunt knife cutting into his heart.

He had spoke as if he didn’t care, but he kept replaying the moment Xu Zhan had looked at him tearfully and claimed he had never loved him, only pursuing novelty. But now, Qin Sheng learned that Xu Zhan had divorced for him. Did that mean… it wasn’t completely without love?

Qin Sheng bit his lip and thought he was really despicable. He had been played for months and was still pondering whether the other person loved him.

But when he opened his eyes and saw the sparkling sea in front of him, he felt even more disturbed. Why had he subconsciously come to Northern Europe? It wasn’t because it was some trendy tourist destination or a sanctuary for healing a broken heart. It was because Xu Zhan wanted to come.

On some previous nights, after being intimate with Xu Zhan, they would lie together on a soft bed. Xu Zhan, wearing a soft silk robe and low-prescription glasses, his soft and fluffy hair emitting the scent of a citrusy shampoo, would be reading travel guides about Northern Europe.

Qin Sheng lay on his back, playing with the stray hairs at Xu Zhan’s temples and casually asked, “What are you doing with this? Do you want to go there?”

“Yeah,” Xu Zhan wrote down a few place names casually. “The last time I went there was during my university days. I haven’t had a proper vacation in these past few years. I’d like to go again.”

He snorted and playfully bit Xu Zhan’s lips, deliberately saying, “Then you’re not taking me with you?”

Xu Zhan just smiled and said, “Of course, I’ll take you with me.”

Xu Zhan didn’t look at the travel guides anymore, lowering his head to touch Qin Sheng’s forehead, asking him, “Have you ever been to Northern Europe?”

Qin Sheng had certainly been there. He had been there more than once, accompanying his mother, Aurora, and his sister. He didn’t particularly like it himself; it was too quiet and boring. But Xu Zhan looked at him with soft eyes, patiently waiting for his answer. He lowered his voice and said, “No, I haven’t. My status don’t afford me many opportunities to travel abroad.”

In reality, this lie wasn’t very well thought out. As the lover of a generous benefactor, there were plenty of opportunities to travel together, and they could even take private jets. There were many sugar babies who reveled in luxury and indulgence. However, Xu Zhan believed him.

But he also didn’t dare to show too much concern and pity. He just kissed him gently again.

After a while, he pulled Xu Zhan over for a second time, and Xu Zhan cooperated exceptionally well, following his lead.

Really foolish. And easy to deceive.

Qin Sheng thought, how could this person be so simple and gentle yet so despicable?

But he wasn’t much better himself. Xu Zhan’s accusations were not wrong. He was also a scoundrel and a liar. Despite having decided to be with Xu Zhan, he still spouted nonsense and pretended to have a pitiful background, acting as if he were unfortunate and just lived off sugar daddies. That’s just how vile he was. Despite being an heir of a wealthy family, he enjoyed seeing Xu Zhan’s heartache and appreciated Xu Zhan’s obedience and sympathy.

Back then, he thought about deceiving him for a few more days, as if he were securing some benefits for himself. When they truly went to Northern Europe together, under the Northern Lights, he would confess everything to Xu Zhan. He would take Xu Zhan rock climbing, snorkeling, and kissing in the icy wilderness. He would tell Xu Zhan how much he loved him. He might not be the best lover; he had never loved anyone before, but he would learn to love.

.

Now that he was in Northern Europe, staying at the hotel he had prepared for Xu Zhan, the view outside the window was great, and he could even see the Northern Lights from indoors. But he was all alone.

Xu Zhan was nowhere to be found. 

.

As night fell, Qin Sheng opened a bottle of wine for himself. When he was halfway drunk, he turned off all the lights and sat on the floor, unmoving. He didn’t want to think about Xu Zhan. But in the quiet of the night, he couldn’t help but wonder, what was Xu Zhan doing? After losing him, was Xu Zhan doing well? Was he really going back to his former partner to live happily ever after?

 .

Xu Zhan took a few painkillers with warm water. It had been three days since Qin Sheng left. The encounter had been too rough, not causing any serious injuries, but he had spent the whole day lying on the couch, and the next day he had a slight fever. He didn’t dare to see a family doctor, fearing that his family would find out. So, he went to see his senior from the same school who was now an associate director at a private hospital. He had made an appointment in advance and asked her not to reveal anything to his family.

His senior looked at him with a furrowed brow, and her gaze made him feel uncomfortable all over. He felt ashamed, as if he were being interrogated on a crucifix. He had never felt so undignified in his life. But in the end, his senior just sighed and patted his head. “You’ve always been a good kid. I won’t ask you anything, but you have to take better care of yourself. Your health isn’t that great, and we’re not in our early twenties anymore. We can’t afford to keep pushing ourselves.” 

Her voice was warm and gentle, just like back in school. He was almost thirty years old now, well beyond the age of being treated like a child, but his senior still saw him as the junior who had been the youngest in the school club. “It’s not too serious, but you’ll need medication and ointment,” she continued to advise him, “Do you have someone to take care of you? If not, I can arrange for you to have a private room in the hospital. It’s a private hospital, so you don’t have to worry about anyone finding out. You can use my name…” But as she spoke, she suddenly fell silent. Because when she looked up, she saw Xu Zhan crying. 

He bit his lip, tears rolling down one by one, making no sound, like a bullied child who didn’t want to cry but couldn’t hold back any longer. “Oh…” His senior felt heartbroken and didn’t press further, reaching out to pat Xu Zhan’s shoulder. “What happened? Did someone hurt you? If someone hurt you, you have to tell me…” . Xu Zhan shook his head silently. It was just a moment of emotional breakdown. His senior touched his head, reminding him of his sister, Xu Ping. But he quickly wiped away his tears, straightened his back, and regained his calm composure. 

“I’m fine,” he told his senior, “Don’t worry about me.” This was the bitter fruit he had sown himself, and he didn’t intend to tell anyone. He had long passed the age where he needed someone to stand up for him, and he had passed the age where he needed to pour out his pain to someone. 

Loving the wrong person and trusting the wrong feelings, it was all so common in life, and who hadn’t gone through it a few times? So, he didn’t intend to tell anyone. Whether it was his sister or Xia Yu, he didn’t want to say anything. 

 He told his senior, “I’m fine, really.” Even though he didn’t really fit the description of “fine” right now. But he still smiled at his senior, his eyelashes were damp from tears, clustered together in clusters. . His senior looked at him and in the end, didn’t ask any more questions. Although she and Xu Zhan had been very close in school, they hadn’t seen each other often in recent years due to their busy work schedules. 

But sitting in this quiet office, she looked at Xu Zhan and felt that he was still the junior from a different department back in the day. She thought that maybe Xu Zhan’s marriage had encountered an irreparable problem. Just like her first marriage. She remained silent for a long time, then patted Xu Zhan’s hand and said, “Hmm, everything will be fine.”